I love the Internet and online communities. As much as people have disparaged them and lament the downfall of face-to-face contact and relationships, I see opportunity all around when it comes to how social networks can help support new moms. On one group there was a discussion about postpartum depression. Women at all stages of motherhood chimed in with their experiences, words of advice and offers of practical support for sisters living in the same vicinity. It was amazing. It got me to reflect more deeply on my postpartum experience thus far and the factors that I think helped to stave off the baby blues. Here are a few:
- As a first-time mom I heard and was warned a lot about PPD to the point that it was kind of scary to imagine. However, my amazing doula ingrained in me that it wasn't inevitable and prepared me early on to ask for help when I needed it.
- I literally forced myself to eat regularly and drink LOTS of water. I needed a little nudge from my daughter's pediatrician that first week. She reminded me that nursing moms need as many calories as when they were pregnant. Well, they didn't have to tell me twice to eat more!! Plus, I kept a jug of water in every room where I spent a significant amount of time.
- I was advised by many mommy friends to sleep when baby sleeps in order to get as much rest as possible. Being the sleep addict that I am, I tried to do this as much as possible. It was hard, because the temptation is to get other stuff done while baby's asleep and you don't have to cater to her. But I just needed to remind myself how unhinged I feel when I am sleep deprived. I got into the rhythm of restful catnaps. May not be easy for mothers with multiple children, but worth setting as a goal.
- I made a routine for myself during the early period so the day wouldn't feel like an endless, sleepless baby feeding and changing session! The routine was quiet simple - shower, pray, groom, get dressed, eat...period! I felt it was important to recapture some of the basic remnants of my pre-baby self and found that just the act of getting dressed and quickly putting on lip gloss, as opposed to keeping on my night gown, helped to energize me. It has also help me transition back into work. I'm now a pro at applying make-up with one hand while I hold Fati in the other.
- I tried to write and talk about my birth and new mommy experience as much as I could and to whomever would listen. It helped to take the 'surrealness' and utter scariness out of the reality that I was now a mom to this precious little being. It also helped me to recognize the emotions I was going through and when I needed help to cope. BTW, I used Dragon dictation software on my IPad when I just needed to get a thought out, but was laid up in bed nursing Fati and couldn't type or write.
- When I started to feel overwhelmed by feeding, changing and holding my baby 24-7 (which would likely stress any normal human being!) I tried to mentally re-frame the experience. I reminded myself that all of this was evidence that we were developing a strong bond. Besides, what better way to demonstrate your love to your baby than performing these basic care taking activities.
- Once I started to get the rhythm of mothering, around week 6 or 7, I gradually expanded my routine to include the things that I love to do. I tried to get in some exercise or an African dance class while my mom watched the baby. And, I got back into cooking by trying a new dish every week...and I did most of the preparation while carrying Fati in the Moby Wrap - a trick I learned from my little sister who is a veteran and extraordinary mom. I'm an active person, so it was important to maintain some semblance of personal vitality, even if it was just a couple of minutes per day when I could manage.
- Community, community, community. Ask for help! What more can I say? Ever read about figures of postpartum depression in communalistic societies? Although it does exist, moms don't get as often as in the West because there is a usually a community around to help mom and ensure that she is not alone during those vulnerable early days. I have been blessed with a community of family and friends that have been around and guarantee that I don't spend more than a few hours alone. Not everyone is living so close to their social support system, but there's always a way to build new community. Going to mommy and me groups, reaching out online and trying a new activity are all ways to develop connections and get the help we all need with a newborn. Let's face it, being alone all day with a baby can drive you absolutely mad if you don't have people to talk to who can understand what you're going through!
Bottom line, whether you're a first-time mom, a veteran or somewhere in the middle, the period right after giving birth is extremely challenging. Be sure to take care of yourself, ask for help and be patient as you grapple with this whole new mommy or mommy again role. When all else fails, cry it out and (as per my doctor) eat a nice bowl of your favorite ice cream! The fat and protein are good for your milk if you're nursing. Of course, always reach out to a doctor or other trusted person if you just can't shake the baby blues because postpartum depression is serious business.
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