This article was originally published in SISTERS Magazine http://sisters-magazine.com
There are a few hot-button topics that really give parents pause and cause a flurry of anxiety. Talking about sex with their children is one such issue.
There are a few hot-button topics that really give parents pause and cause a flurry of anxiety. Talking about sex with their children is one such issue.
Most parents know the subject has to broached, but figuring out how to do it in a sensitive, age-appropriate manner can keep mom and dad up all night fretting. However, the task of educating your kids about sex, while conveying your family’s values, can be a wonderful way to inform and open lines of communication with them. To start, two principals can go a long way during the conversations: one is maintaining an attitude of relaxation and willingness to listen to your child’s questions and concerns; the second providing facts about sex in a straightforward manner suited to your child’s developmental stage. Throughout the process, it is a good idea to weave in dialogue about your values related to sex.
It's best to start discussing the “birds and the bees” early and gradually – that way, you establish comfort between yourself and your child about the subject. Around age 2 or 3, when you start naming body parts with your child, you can also use accurate language to identify their genitalia. From about age 4 or 5, when children are curious about their bodies and physical pleasures, you can go into more detail about body parts and answer general questions about the concept of sex or where babies come from, etc. This is a good time to start looking for teachable moments to illustrate in everyday life things you’ve mentioned at home. While you want to use correct terms, with children younger than 8 you don’t need to detail the mechanics of sex. However, young children should be taught that certain parts of their bodies are private and no one should touch them in a way that’s uncomfortable.
As children grow older and increasingly concerned with their social world, they may be more attuned to societal messages about sex and influenced by (mis)information from their peers. This is when it’s even more critical to provide your child with clear, objective information. You’ll be surprised at how much kids think they know already… and how incorrect much of it may be! Many are being exposed to sexual material at much earlier ages and need extra guidance navigating it all. This includes talking about both the pleasurable/emotional and reproductive functions of sex as well as what they may be feeling in their own bodies and what they see in the media. Before children reach puberty, letting them know what they can expect physically and emotionally is essential. They should be taught about processes like menstruation, growth of bodily hair, physical development and hormonal changes. It can also be helpful to give your child a book to refer to on his/her own.
Many parents worry about the overt sexual images their children see daily and dread talking about ‘it’ due to fear of reinforcing negative ideas or encouraging premature sexual activity. Nothing is farther from the truth. Knowledge arms your beloved child with the support to evaluate skewed messages and to make healthy decisions that are backed by facts and in line with their beliefs.
So, to sum it up for our parents, when talking about sex with your child remember to: understand your own attitudes and beliefs; start early, discussing appropriate topics gradually; focus on facts, matter-of-factly; be prepared to talk to them about the upcoming stage in their physical, sexual and related emotional development; be open to their questions …and most importantly take a deep breath and relax, inshaAllah, it will all be OK.
